from dickhead to diva: how kate nash taught me to stand up for myself 🎤

bonus post: a journey of self-discovery, terrible open mics, and the power of a good f-bomb

tl;dr: this is a bonus post for paid subscribers. covering kate nash's "dickhead" wasn't just about music—it was a crash course in self-respect and the art of not giving a f*ck. listen to my cover of kate nash’s dickhead in the post below (paid subscribers) or on soundcloud (free).

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My friend Simone and I in 2008, during this time of me playing in open mics. They’d usually do backup vocals to my songs and we’d sing so much together. Monie, hermane, te amo.

hey mi gente! 👋🏽

picture this: it's 2007, and i'm a wide-eyed college kid at aquinas college, grand rapids. my hair's a mess, my fashion sense is questionable at best, and i'm clutching a cd like it's the holy grail. that cd? kate nash's "made of bricks."

little did i know that this album—specifically the track "dickhead"—would become my personal anthem and a turning point in my journey of self-discovery.

The album cover for “Made of Bricks” by Kate Nash. Source: Wikipedia.

when i first heard "dickhead," it was like kate nash had reached through my speakers, grabbed me by the collar, and yelled, "wake up, edgard!" (in a charming british accent, of course).

the raw honesty, the unapologetic f-bombs, the way she called out toxic behavior—it was everything my people-pleasing self needed to hear. and before i knew it, i learned it on guitar and recorded my own cover of the song. why? because some lessons bear repeating, especially when they're set to a catchy tune.

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“dickhead” (kate nash cover) by edgard portela

you can find more of my original music and covers on soundcloud.com/eddypmusic.

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open mics and open hearts

back in my aquinas college days (in grand rapids, mi), i was a regular at rumors nightclub, a local lgbtq+ bar that hosted open mic nights. picture the scene: dim lights, the smell of stale beer, and me, clutching my guitar like a shield, ready to bare my soul to a room full of strangers (and probably a few friends i bribed to be there).

i'd get up there, my hands shaking, and launch into my kate nash cover. the first time i dropped an f-bomb mid-song, you could hear a pin drop. then came the cheers. turns out, people love a good, cathartic swear session set to music.

believe it or not, my kate nash-inspired journey didn't end at rumors! those open mic nights led to more gigs, more confidence, and eventually, an opportunity to open for jt woodruff of hawthorne heights at mixtape cafe. from covering "dickhead" to opening for an emo icon—talk about character development!

the era of zero f*cks given

covering "dickhead" wasn't just about music—it was a statement. it was me, a pansexual puerto rican kid in michigan, declaring to the world (or at least to the patrons of rumors) that i wasn't going to shrink myself anymore.

it was the era of living out loud, of embracing my identity, of realizing that the friends who stuck around when i was fully, unapologetically myself were the ones worth keeping.

here's the thing about being a people-pleaser: you attract a lot of people, but not all of them have your best interests at heart.

if someone couldn't handle me belting out "why you being a dickhead for?" they probably couldn't handle the real me. and honestly? good riddance.

the lasting power of a good anthem

so here we are, 12 years later, and i'm still singing "dickhead". and while cleaning out my hard drive, i found this little recording. now, instead of using it as a shield, it's more like a celebration—a reminder of how far i've come.

to kate nash: thank you for the anthem, the attitude, and the audacity to call out the dickheads of the world.

to my younger self: i see you, i love you, and i'm so proud of the journey you're on.

and to anyone out there still trying to find their voice: maybe it's time to find your own "dickhead" anthem. trust me, it's liberating as hell.

what about you, mis amores? what's your go-to empowerment anthem? drop it in the comments—let's make a playlist of songs that help us stand up for ourselves!

hasta la próxima! 💖

edgard✊🏽🌈

p.s. if you ever catch me at karaoke, you know what i'm singing. fair warning: i take no responsibility for any f-bombs dropped or dickheads called out in the process.

p.p.s. check out my cover of "dickhead" on soundcloud, too. it's 12 years in the making, fueled by countless open mic nights, and seasoned with just the right amount of well-earned attitude.