on creating meaning in a chaotic world
reflections on a queer puerto rican's evolving personal life philosophy
tl;dr: this is me trying to figure myself out. what do i believe? what are my values? my ethos? my philosophy? all i know is this: life's a beautiful mess, and we're all tangled up in it together. there's no cosmic rulebook, so we've gotta write our own stories and find meaning in the chaos. be kind, stay curious, embrace the gray areas, and don't forget to take care of yourself along the way. oh, and leave things a little better than you found themโit's the closest thing to a universal law i've got. bonus points if you can do it all with a sense of humor and a willingness to change course when life throws you a curveball. ยกpa'lante!
hola mis amores,
"we tell ourselves stories in order to live," joan didion once wrote.
as i sit in my favorite university heights cafรฉ, good omen coffee, watching the kaleidoscope of humanity swirl around me, i can't help but reflect on the narratives i've spun for myself over the years - the tales that have molded my worldview, my values, and my very sense of self.
what is my personal philosophy? coรฑo, that's a question big enough to choke on. but maybe, by poking at it together, we can unearth some universal truths about what it means to be human in this messy, terrifying, exhilarating world of ours.
the interconnectedness of all things
let's kick things off with a fundamental belief i hold dear: we're all tangled up in each other's business, whether we like it or not.
this isn't some woo-woo nonsense pulled from the bottom of a crystal shop clearance bin (though i've certainly had my phases out here in california, don't get me wrong). it's a gut-deep understanding that our actions send out ripples we can't always track or predict.
i first caught a whiff of this truth as a young pathfinder (think of a boy scout) in the central hispanic seventh day adventist church on burton street in grand rapids, michigan.
we were drilled to "leave a place better than we found it," a simple idea that's burrowed its way into the core of how i move through the world. the pathfinder law told us to "do my honest part" and "go on god's errands." while i've ditched the religious wrapping, the chewy center of these teachings still sticks to my ribs: we've got a job to do in making this world a bit less of a dumpster fire.
radical empathy: seeing through others' eyes
this sense of being all mixed up together feeds into another big piece of my philosophy: radical empathy.
by "radical," i don't mean extreme. i mean getting down to the roots (radix in latin) of our shared human mess. it's about constantly pushing ourselves to see the world through others' smudged glasses, to seek understanding evenโespeciallyโwhen it feels like pulling teeth.
this isn't a cakewalk, mi gente. believe me, i know. as a queer, non-binary, pansexual puerto rican trying to make sense of life in the united states, i've had my fair share of people looking at me like i'm a math problem they can't solve. but i've found that approaching even those who side-eye me with genuine curiosity and a dash of compassion often leads to surprising breakthroughs.
the art of self care & boundaries
now, don't get it twisted. radical empathy doesn't mean letting people use you as a doormat. which brings us to another crucial bit of my life philosophy: boundaries and self-care are non-negotiable.
for years, i thought being a good person meant always putting others first, sacrificing my needs on the altar of the greater good. but you know what? that's a one-way ticket to burnout city, and let me tell you, the tourism board there sucks! i've learnedโoften by face-planting spectacularlyโthat you can't pour from an empty cup. taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's the oxygen mask you need to put on before you can help anyone else.
the pathfinder law yammered on about "caring for my body" and "keeping a song in my heart." while i no longer buy that these commands come from some cosmic sky daddy, i've come to appreciate their practical wisdom.
self-care, joy, and resilience aren't luxuries; they're the bare-bones toolkit for not losing your mind in this chaos we call life.
it's funny how the seeds planted in those formative years can grow into sturdy trees of understanding, even as our beliefs evolve. the pathfinders may not have known they were schooling us in philosophy, but here i are, unpacking those lessons years later with you.
navigating morality without a divine compass
now, let's wade into the murky waters of morality and ethics. how do we sort the "good" from the "bad" in a world without a divine rulebook?
for me, it boils down to a simple question: are we making things suck less? actions that dial down the suffering and crank up the flourishing for the most beings possible (human and non-human) fall into the "good" category. those that cause unnecessary harm or throw wrenches into the gears of thriving? that's where we plant our "bad" flag.
applying this principle is about as straightforward as nailing jelly to a wall. life is a constant juggling act of competing needs, unintended consequences, and tough calls.
that's why i believe in embracing the gray areas, in constantly poking holes in our own assumptions, and in being willing to pull a u-turn when new information comes screeching around the corner.
and i think on this one i get to name myself as someone who can speak on the matter.
this tightrope became very real for me during my journey from card-carrying republican to proud progressive. it wasn't just about โswitching teamsโ; it was a fundamental realignment of my values and worldview.
as i came to terms with my true self, i came fully into being. i embraced my full, queer identity. this was when i found myself questioning beliefs i'd held for years.
but the real catalyst? the man i loved for nearly eight years. through him, i learned to see the world through different eyes, to question my assumptions, and to embrace the grey areas of life.
let me share with you two pictures to illustrate:
on the left, a fresh-faced republican ready to change the world. on the right, the same smile but with eyes yet to be opened.
little did i know, my biggest change would come from within.
life has a funny way of redrawing your map when you least expect it. these photos aren't just memories; they're mile markers on a journey of self-discovery, love, and the courage to change.
quien lo dirรญa - sometimes the longest distance isn't between two parties, but between who you were and who you're becoming. ๐ณ๏ธ๐
as i gained new information, i chose to change my mind, even when it was tough. it was like building a bridge while walking on it, each step a mix of terror and exhilaration. in the end, this journey taught me that growth often means making imperfect choices, pushing forward while committing to keep learning and fighting for what's right. it wasn't a clear-cut path, but it was a crucial step forward in a world that rarely offers simple solutions.
creating meaning in a purposeless universe
this brings us to the head-scratcher of purpose. what's the point of this whole circus if there's no cosmic ringmaster, no divine scorekeeper?
here's what i've cobbled together: meaning isn't something we stumble upon like loose change on the sidewalk. it's something we forge in the fires of our choices, our relationships, our creative flailing. it's not about uncovering some pre-existing cosmic to-do list; it's about writing our own story that adds a spark of light to this often-dim world.
for me, success isn't about how much cash i can stuff under my mattress or how many instagram followers i can amass. it's about living with my cards on the table, cultivating connections deep enough to drown in, and leaving a trail of tiny improvements in my wake. it's about never stopping the awkward dance of growth, learning, and facing life's curveballs with my chin up and my heart cracked open.
grappling with godlessness: terror & freedom
as someone who's agnostic on my best days and atheist on my worst, how do i make sense of existence without a cosmic parent figure?
honestly, it's a mix of pants-wetting terror and fist-pumping freedom. terrifying because we're faced with the vastness of a universe that doesn't give a flying fig about our existence. liberating because it means we're the authors of our own story, fully responsible for our choices and the mess they sometimes make.
the absence of a divine plan doesn't make life a pointless game of cosmic pinball; it makes our actions the only points on the scoreboard. in a universe without predetermined purpose, every act of kindness, every pursuit of knowledge, every moment of genuine connection becomes a middle finger raised to the void, a declaration that we were here and we mattered.
building a better world, one action at a time
this perspective colors how i think we should treat each other. if this life is the only rodeo we get, if there's no cosmic justice waiting in the wings, then it's on us to create a world that's not entirely made of sharp edges and broken glass.
it means rolling up our sleeves and getting to work against systemic oppression, turning up the volume on voices that usually get drowned out, and building a society where everyone gets a fair shot at this whole "thriving" business. but it also means approaching this work with the humility to know we're all stumbling around in the dark, capable of both breathtaking kindness and spectacular screw-ups.
i don't have time for purity tests or cancel culture. my philosophy embraces the fact that we're all works in progress, walking disasters capable of beautiful transformations. justice, to me, isn't about punishment or settling scores. it's about fixing what's broken, learning from our face-plants, and creating systems that lift us instead of grinding us down.
embracing uncertainty & change
and speaking of life's tendency to go off the rails, let's talk about embracing uncertainty. because if there's one thing i've learned, it's that even our best-laid plans often end up looking like a toddler's crayon scribbles.
my philosophy involves cultivating a kind of bendiness in the face of life's storms. it's about setting intentions and working towards goals, sure. but it's also about being ready to improvise when life rewrites the script, finding the hidden doors in our setbacks, and trusting that we can figure things out as we go.
i often think about how my younger self would have reacted to the idea of being out, proud, and living my truth in san diego. what would edgard chiquito say? it would have seemed as likely as sprouting wings and flying to the moon. but by staying open to change, by listening to the persistent whisper of my authentic self, i stumbled into a life more vivid and fulfilling than anything i could have sketched out in advance.
a philosophy for living: my eight guiding principles
so where does all this rambling leave us? with a philosophy that's less about carving commandments in stone and more about scribbling guidelines in the margins:
remember we're all in this mess together; try to leave things a little better than you found them
practice seeing the world through others' eyes, but don't let people walk all over you
create your own meaning; it's the only game in town
work towards a world with less suffering and more flourishing, but embrace the complexity
be ready to dance when life changes the music
live with your true colors flying, and help others do the same
stay curious about life's big questions; certainty is overrated
find moments of awe in this weird, wild world and the potential of human connection
it's a philosophy that nods to life's chaos, that leaves room for growth and change, that tries to balance taking care of our own stuff with giving a damn about the bigger picture.
is it perfect? hell no. am i always able to live up to these ideals? tambiรฉn no. but that's the whole point. this philosophy isn't a finish line; it's the stumbling, laughing, sometimes-crying journey itself. it's a constant process of learning, adjusting, falling on our faces, and getting back up with grass stains on our knees and new ideas in our heads.
so, mi amor, i invite you to poke at your own personal philosophy. what stories are you telling yourself? what north stars guide your wandering? how are you making sense of this wild, glitching simulation we call life?
because here's the thing: in a universe that often seems as random as a game of cosmic pinball, our personal philosophies are acts of rebellion. they're how we find patterns in the static, purpose in the daily grind, and connections that make us feel less alone in the vastness.
we may not have all the answers, but in the asking, in the endless wrestling match with life's big questions, we stumble upon what it means to be human. and that, to me, is a magic trick worth learning.
you know, this was a great exercise in really thinking through what i believe. what do you say i come back and keep letting you know what life is teaching me on this once in a while, eh? share your insights with me too - i want to learn.
hasta la prรณxima, mi gente.
con todo mi amor y un poquito de locura,
edgard ๐โ๐ฝ๐
p.s. if this resonated with you, don't keep it to yourself! sharing is caring, and also good karma. who knows, you might save someone from a dreary afternoon of existential dread.
p.p.s. leave a comment! tell me about your own life philosophy. or your favorite type of cheese. or that weird dream you had last night. i'm not picky, i just like hearing from you.
p.p.p.s. if you made it this far, congratulations! you've just read the equivalent of a small novella. treat yourself to a cookie. you've earned it.
The idea of changing my mind about something I held as truth for most of my life was once terrifying. Who was I without those beliefs? I was lonely most of my life (there were people there, but they were either ignoring me, using me or didnโt get me), so finding something in common with others sometimes was a draw. Sometimes I was willing to abandon myself for company.
But the older I get, the more I let go of and the less I care about. And leaving religion was a big step in that direction. It cleared my vision. Made room for different perspectives. Made room for me.
This was such a beautiful read. I appreciate your thought process and try to implement something similar in my own life: going around with kindness. Not because โit comes around,โ but because we are our actions. In my day to day, I can choose violence or kindness. If we all chose kindness, the world would look very different. This is why I opt for kindness.
I am slowly stepping into my higher self. ๐งโโ๏ธโจ
Un abrazo desde otra caribeรฑa queer๐ซ๐ฆ