Still a badass, even in all this. I feel you and Iβm sending a firestorm of hugs. And this might not help at all, but you look absolutely yummy with a lil thickness on ya π
Eddy you donβt know how excited I was to see you pop up in my inbox. Itβs like reconnecting with a friend you havenβt seen in years only for that meeting to feel like no time has passed. Your writing is absolutely brilliant and Iβve missed it so. Iβm so sorry youβre going through the shittiest of shit right now. Iβm sending you a big virtual hug!
Seriously though when you said βself harm is also neglect. itβs abandoning the practices that keep you healthy and sane and stable. itβs binge eating to fill a void that food canβt fill. itβs smoking yourself numb every single day. itβs isolation. itβs letting yourself disappear.β That shit rocked me to my core because thatβs me right now. Iβve used motherhood as an excuse to abandon myself and you just put to words what Iβve been feeling deep down and havenβt quite been able to accept.
Please please never let your fire for creating go out. You donβt just have the light in you babe you ARE the light. And it shines so fucking bright when you give yourself permission to let the world see it.
amber!! omg, i'm so sorry for the delayed response!!! the holidays swallowed me whole and i'm only now crawling back to my inbox. but god, this comment. i've thought about it multiple times since you wrote it.
first: thank you. genuinely, for realsies!!! knowing that my writing landed somewhere after months of silence means more than i can articulate.
but what you said about motherhood and self-abandonment made me pause for sure. because that's the thing about neglect as self-harm, right? it's so easy to justify. you're not hurting yourself, you're just⦠deprioritizing yourself for something that "sounds" noble. for your kids, for work, for survival, for everyone else, etc... there's always something, some new sacrifice all the time. and then one day you look up and realize you've been disappearing in slow motion.
i don't have wisdom here, i'm only now kinda sorta barely crawling out of my own version of it. but i see you!!! i do, i really do. thank you so much for your kinds words, honey. i hope you're finding even small moments to exist for yourself, not just for the people who need you. happy new year, bella!
also: "you ARE the light" made me tear up a little. i'm keeping that one close. π
Thank you for responding π₯Ή you are so spot on about there always being some sort of sacrifice that takes center stage. I appreciate your kind words and wishes for me. I am working on being good to myself so itβs nice to hear some encouragement to keep it up every once in a while. π
I teared up writing that line about being the light because I truly meant it and Iβm so happy to hear that it landed as well as I had hoped π«Άπ»
first off, getting the three comments in a row from you, that is how i text exactly, lol. much to the annoyance of some people. okay, many people. haha.
second, i am criminally late replying to this because the holidays turned me into a gremlin who forgot how to use the internet for anything other than doomscrolling. my bad!!! thank you for the comments, bella.
also... you came to the US for the first time in 20 years and i'm just now finding out?? how was it???? did it live up to the hype? did it disappoint you in that specific american way where everything is bigger and louder and somehow still underwhelming??? lol i need a full debrief sometime.
also thank you for still finding me funny when i'm describing my life falling apart. that's the dream, honestly. if i can make someone laugh while recounting my descent into piΓ±ata-point-based hell, i've done my job.
happy new year, disaster queen. π hope 2026 is treating you better than 2025 treated either of us.
Still a badass, even in all this. I feel you and Iβm sending a firestorm of hugs. And this might not help at all, but you look absolutely yummy with a lil thickness on ya π
:) thank youuuuuu haha. this made me blush in the best way.
Eddy you donβt know how excited I was to see you pop up in my inbox. Itβs like reconnecting with a friend you havenβt seen in years only for that meeting to feel like no time has passed. Your writing is absolutely brilliant and Iβve missed it so. Iβm so sorry youβre going through the shittiest of shit right now. Iβm sending you a big virtual hug!
Seriously though when you said βself harm is also neglect. itβs abandoning the practices that keep you healthy and sane and stable. itβs binge eating to fill a void that food canβt fill. itβs smoking yourself numb every single day. itβs isolation. itβs letting yourself disappear.β That shit rocked me to my core because thatβs me right now. Iβve used motherhood as an excuse to abandon myself and you just put to words what Iβve been feeling deep down and havenβt quite been able to accept.
Please please never let your fire for creating go out. You donβt just have the light in you babe you ARE the light. And it shines so fucking bright when you give yourself permission to let the world see it.
amber!! omg, i'm so sorry for the delayed response!!! the holidays swallowed me whole and i'm only now crawling back to my inbox. but god, this comment. i've thought about it multiple times since you wrote it.
first: thank you. genuinely, for realsies!!! knowing that my writing landed somewhere after months of silence means more than i can articulate.
but what you said about motherhood and self-abandonment made me pause for sure. because that's the thing about neglect as self-harm, right? it's so easy to justify. you're not hurting yourself, you're just⦠deprioritizing yourself for something that "sounds" noble. for your kids, for work, for survival, for everyone else, etc... there's always something, some new sacrifice all the time. and then one day you look up and realize you've been disappearing in slow motion.
i don't have wisdom here, i'm only now kinda sorta barely crawling out of my own version of it. but i see you!!! i do, i really do. thank you so much for your kinds words, honey. i hope you're finding even small moments to exist for yourself, not just for the people who need you. happy new year, bella!
also: "you ARE the light" made me tear up a little. i'm keeping that one close. π
Thank you for responding π₯Ή you are so spot on about there always being some sort of sacrifice that takes center stage. I appreciate your kind words and wishes for me. I am working on being good to myself so itβs nice to hear some encouragement to keep it up every once in a while. π
I teared up writing that line about being the light because I truly meant it and Iβm so happy to hear that it landed as well as I had hoped π«Άπ»
My initial thought was also: why are you not going home? And you found the answer as well.
one day soon... :)
βapparently rock bottom has a basement, and that basement is furnished with a broken television.β
Youβre still funny AF tho
bahaha i love you omg. thank you. *bows*
I was wondering where you were. And now reading this, 3 days before coming to the US for the first time in 20 years.
I am sorry 2025 has brought nothing but shit into your life. I am continuing reading now and sending you a big hug
first off, getting the three comments in a row from you, that is how i text exactly, lol. much to the annoyance of some people. okay, many people. haha.
second, i am criminally late replying to this because the holidays turned me into a gremlin who forgot how to use the internet for anything other than doomscrolling. my bad!!! thank you for the comments, bella.
also... you came to the US for the first time in 20 years and i'm just now finding out?? how was it???? did it live up to the hype? did it disappoint you in that specific american way where everything is bigger and louder and somehow still underwhelming??? lol i need a full debrief sometime.
also thank you for still finding me funny when i'm describing my life falling apart. that's the dream, honestly. if i can make someone laugh while recounting my descent into piΓ±ata-point-based hell, i've done my job.
happy new year, disaster queen. π hope 2026 is treating you better than 2025 treated either of us.
iβm really proud of you friend π«Άπβ¨
thank you <3 :)
β₯οΈ
β₯οΈ right back at you. hope you are well. happy 2026.
Happy 2026 β¨