on the power within

we have more agency than we credit ourselves for

tl;dr: we often underestimate our power to shape our lives. from big decisions to small daily choices, every action contributes to our journey. take control of your narrative and make intentional choices that align with your dreams and values.

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Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash.

hi bellezas,

over the last 37 years of my life i have been through quite a bit of therapy. during these endless sessions of talk and analysis, i discovered that i believed that life was something that happened to me.

i thought life was a series of events, good and bad, that i was meant to weather like a lone tree in a storm. bent, but never broken. resilient, they'd say. but resilience is exhausting when it's your only mode of existence.

it wasn't until i found myself standing in the middle of my first empty san diego apartment in october 2021, surrounded by half-unpacked boxes and the echoes of a life left behind, that i realized something profound: i had chosen this.

just months earlier, i was living in washington, dc, in an eight-year relationship with someone i still love to this day. but in the latter years, i descended into a dark night of the soul, shrinking and hiding in plain sight. i didn't feel like myself for a long time.

the pandemic had a way of bringing issues to the surface, especially when cooped up in our apartment. during this time, i attempted suicide and no one knew until i revealed it years later. what started as a chasm turned into an abyss that swallowed everything. i left my boyfriend and dc behind in 2021 in what was my own independence day on july 4th.

every decision, every step that led me from the familiar streets of dc to the sun-kissed shores of california, was mine. the realization hit me like a wave, both terrifying and exhilarating. i wasn't a leaf in the wind; i was the wind itself.

Me in Burlington, Vermont; 2013. Source: Mae Alger.

we often underestimate the power of our choices. we like to focus on big, life-altering decisions like moving across the country, ending a relationship, or changing careers. i know i tend to focus on those big events or actions that cause the most impact. certainly, these have the chance to make or break me. yet, i keep finding the older i get that it is the small, daily decisions — the ones that seem almost inconsequential — that truly shape our lives over time.

antoine de saint-exupéry, a revered french author, poignantly captures this concept when he says:

"what saves a man is to take a step. then another step. it is always the same step, but you have to take it."

this idea tells us that we need to recognize the significance of each action we take, no matter how minor it may appear to us.

This is Antoine de Saint Exupery. You may know him as the author of The Little Prince. Source: Wordsworth.

every choice, every step, contributes incrementally to our journey. honestly when i realize this, it’s immensely intimidating. it really places things into perspective and gets my ass into gear. with every step, i see it’s not just about reaching the destination but the work and transformation that happens on the way. if you really think about this, this simply means that what you do and what you think has great impact. everything suddenly gains new meaning and purpose.

the decision to smile at a stranger, to speak up in a meeting, to write that first sentence of a long-dreamed-of novel. these aren't just actions, they're assertions of our will upon the world. they're us, painting our existence stroke by stroke, choice by choice.

but with this power comes a weight. if we are the architects of our lives, then we must also bear the responsibility of our creations. it's easier, sometimes, to believe that we're powerless. to say "it is what it is" and shrug off the burden of choice.

yet in doing so, we deny ourselves the very thing that makes us human: the ability to change, to grow, to become.

i look around my current apartment now, no longer empty, but filled with the trappings of a life i've built. i built this. each object i have in my room is an intention, a testament to a choice made, a path taken. the puerto rican flag hanging proudly on my wall, with the pride colors intertwined - a visual representation of the person i've chosen to embrace and be.

Me at the White House the night of June 26, 2015, when Obergefell v. Hodges struck down all state bans on same-sex marriage, legalizing it in all fifty states.

we are not leaves in the wind, nor are we immovable mountains. we are rivers, carving our paths through the landscape of existence. sometimes we flow around obstacles, sometimes we wear them down, but always, always, we are moving forward of our own volition.

so the next time you feel powerless, remember this: you have more agency than you know. every word you speak, every action you take, is a choice. and those choices, however small they may seem, have the power to change your world.

embrace your agency. wield it wisely. and watch as the world bends to the force of your will, one choice at a time.

I’m a huge 30 Rock fan, so I had to invoke Jack Donaghy for this. Source: Tenor.

because, mi gente, we are not just characters in the story of our lives! we are the authors, the narrators, the protagonists. and it's high time we picked up the pen and wrote the chapters we've always dreamed of.

so, what will your next sentence be? let me know in the comments below what you think, feel… what has this stirred in your soul?

cuidate,

edgard 💝