my loves,
joy and longing dance a tango in my heart these days. as someone who is deeply emotional (maybe dangerously so), itβs a dance i am very much familiar with. iβve been seeing my friends bask in the warm glow of the happiness that their romantic relationships bring them. itβs beautiful to see, their stories and their journeys all painting the world in vibrant hues. i watch it, i celebrate it, and then i go home. alone in my apartment, i am surrounded by a silence that lately echoes with unspoken desires.
i celebrate my friends' romances with genuine enthusiasm - their laughter, their shared glances, the way they seem to create their own gravity. it draws me in! itβs beautiful. they deserve every ounce of this happiness, every stolen kiss and inside joke. but in the quiet hours, when the world narrows to just me and my thoughts, a quiet wish forms: "i want that too." to have that deep connection, that chance to build something extraordinary with someone who sees me, truly sees me.
past queer things: (4) "for today i am a boy" by antony and the johnsons | (3) βrebel girlβ by bikini hill | (2) allison ponthier | (1) "golden brown" by the stranglers
remember - whenever a queer thing is a song, itβll get automatically added to the one queer thing spotify playlist, which you can find here.
it's not about fear of being alone or bowing to societal pressure. it's about craving that intimate partnership, that shared language of love that turns mundane moments into magic. sometimes, the weight of this desire feels almost tangible, like someone that sits with me in my quieter moments.
but here's the thing - this longing doesn't diminish my wholeness. and that's where this weekβs queer thing, eliza's "alone & unafraid", comes in. this song is currently my reminder that we can be complete on our own while still desiring connection.
this weekβs queer thing: βalone & unafraidβ by eliza
"people always say that nothing ever changes, changes. but i don't agree, 'cos something's changed in me," eliza sings, setting the stage for a powerful declaration of independence. her words resonate with a truth that's both liberating and challenging: we have the power to change ourselves, to redefine our relationships with others and with ourselves.
the chorus hits like a thunderbolt: "alone & unafraid in the places we join." it's a beautiful paradox, embracing solitude while acknowledging the value of connection. eliza's not rejecting intimacy; she's redefining it on her own terms. "what's life if it isn't kisses, kisses in the night time, moving me like liquid," she muses, celebrating the joy of physical connection while maintaining her independence.
"i'm not in this life to be wife, i'll make my own little religion," eliza declares, challenging societal expectations and carving out her own path. it's a powerful assertion of identity, especially for queer individuals who often face pressure to conform to traditional relationship models.
the bridge brings a moment of raw honesty: "i was living for an old ideal, deal of security, but it isn't real." eliza acknowledges the allure of conventional relationships but recognizes that true security comes from within. it's a powerful message for anyone who's felt pressured to couple up just to fit in.
"i'm alone and unafraid and wide awake and staring down the moon," eliza sings in the outro, painting a vivid picture of solitary strength. but she doesn't end there. "rest your heart 'cos you are me and i am you," she concludes, reminding us of our fundamental connection to each other, even in our moments of solitude.
"alone & unafraid" isn't advocating for isolation. instead, it celebrates personal fulfillment and self-confidence while acknowledging our need for connection. it's about being complete on your own, secure in yourself, knowing that you can stand tall independently even as you choose to connect with others.
so crank up the volume, let eliza's voice wash over you, and dance like nobody's watching (because they're not - you're gloriously alone).
let this song remind you that your company is the best company, that your love for yourself is enough, that you are whole and perfect just as you are. and from that place of self-assurance, you can choose to build meaningful connections with others.
maybe these feelings will pass for me. or maybe theyβll be here for a while. i donβt care. this song reminds me that being alone and unafraid is not just okay - it's beautiful. it's queer. it's you. itβs me. and it's a powerful foundation for creating the relationships and community we truly desire for ourselves.
te quiero mucho,
edgard π§‘