from heartbreak to harmony: the birth of my first album, "to build and defend my happiness" 🎵💔

how i turned my pain into a musical journey (and why you should listen)

Hi, this is me! This is a picture from when I first moved to San Diego at my old apartment in Golden Hill, 2021.

hey mi gente,

picture it - golden hill, san diego, 2021: me, sitting in my bedroom surrounded by a sea of crumpled papers, half-empty coffee cups, and a guitar that's seen better days.

the air's thick with the scent of cafecito and desperation, and i'm pretty sure my neighbors and roommates are tired of hearing the same four chords on repeat. it's giving "sad boy with a guitar" realness, but make it puertorriqueño.

fast forward to now, and i'm about to spill more tea than the boston harbor. buckle up, mi amor, 'cause this is gonna be a wild ride through the past three years of my life. think less "eat, pray, love" and more "eat vegan ice cream, cry, and write songs."

in august of 2014, i entered a relationship with a wonderful man. picture this: obama was still president and i was young(er), dumb, and full of... optimism. we built a beautiful life together for 7 years. heh, a relationship that lasted longer than most people's undergraduate degrees, and probably involved just as much caffeine and existential dread.

i was madly in love with him. like "write your name in hearts all over my notebook" in love. but as the years progressed, things started to slowly stall. it wasn't like a telenovela drama where someone cheated with an evil twin. nah, it was more like watching paint dry, but the paint is your hopes and dreams.

it ended in may of 2021, and let me tell you, it felt like someone had ripped my heart out, stomped on it, and then tried to shove it back in upside down.

but you know what they say: when life gives you lemons, make a goddamn coquito and add extra rum. or in my case, make an album that'll have people ugly crying in their cars and loving every second of it, hopefully.

so here we are, mi gente. me, spilling my guts to you like we're at a sleepover, passing a bottle of cheap wine. (side note: anyone else miss sleepovers? just me? cool.)

get ready for a journey through heartbreak, self-discovery, and maybe a few terrible puns along the way. because if i can't laugh at my pain, what's the point of having a blog?

“to build and defend my happiness": the musical lovechild of my broken heart

this album, "to build and defend my happiness," isn't just a collection of songs. it's my soul, laid bare on a silver platter, served with a side of acoustic guitar and a sprinkle of my pain, my victories, my love, and my insecurities.

imagine walking through the cinco etapas del duelo (five stages of grief), but make it musical. each track is like a different room in la casa del dolor, from the denial den to the acceptance attic. it's a journey, mi gente, and you're invited along for the ride.

the sound? picture neo-soul mixing with folk and jazz, and their mix and match is this album. it's warm, rich, and complex, with my guitar's the backbone. don't sleep on those lush harmonies and subtle instrumentations that i’m working on, either.

and my voice? raw as hell, honey.

these lyrics? they're like my diary entries set to music - introspective, poetic, and realer than reality tv.

we're diving deep into love, self-discovery, and personal growth. it's gonna get messy, but the good kind of messy, like eating mangoes on the beach.

forget about fancy production. this album is stripped-down, bare-bones music. the rawness isn't just a style choice - it's a necessity. because how else am i gonna make you feel as emotionally wrecked as i was?

Working cover art for the album. The picture definitely is the cover, but not sure about the rest. Source: Me!

and get this: i've got some friends lined up to sing on this bad boy. who, you ask? well, that's for me to know and for you to obsessively speculate about in the comments section. 😉 let's just say, if voices were cuisine, we've got a whole buffet of flavors coming your way.

this album is gonna take you on a journey. it's intimate, it's soulful, and it might just make you ugly cry in public. you're welcome.

the journey: from "no me quiero levantar" to "mírame triunfar, cabrón"

this album isn't just about wallowing in misery (although there's plenty of that, don't worry). it's like eating your way through a pint of ben & jerry's, but make it musical.

we're talking a whole-ass hero's journey, mi gente. picture it: your boy starts off in the depths of despair, drowning in a sea of tissues and empty wine bottles. but then? we climb that mountain of heartbreak, stumbling and cursing in spanglish the whole way up.

where do we end up? well, that's the million-dollar question, ain't it? maybe it's personal growth (look ma, i learned to cook something other than ramen!). maybe it's self-discovery (turns out i'm allergic to emotional unavailability, who knew?). or maybe it's just the realization that i'm a whole damn meal and deserve better than breadcrumbs. spoiler alert: it's probably all of the above.

and because i'm a glutton for punishment (or maybe just a masochist with a guitar), i'm throwing in a cover of lianne lahavas' "bittersweet". why? because apparently listening to it on repeat while ugly crying wasn't enough - i had to go and record it too. it's like musical self-flagellation, but make it art.

tracklist sneak peek

here's a sneak peek at some of the tracks that are currently in development or completed:

1. "i hope you know": a soulful, funeralesque lullaby opening the album, mourning the loss and reaching for closure.

2. "distance (143 miles)": a ballad about the physical and emotional distance that tore apart a relationship when i was 21.

3. "castle in golden hill": an ode to finding joy in solitude and rediscovering myself in a new city, alone.

4. “bittersweet”: the cover of the lianne lahavas’ song i mentioned earlier.

each song is like a different stage of grief. we've got denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. or, well, at least that’s the intention.

my goal is to write 14-18 songs and whittle them down to 10-12 more polished songs and build the album around those songs. the other extra songs that didn’t cut it will be released as special edition songs or as other content, later on.

from dream to reality: you are part of the plan

look, i'm gonna keep it real with you. turning heartbreak into harmony isn't just emotionally exhausting. it's also time-consuming and more complex than trying to explain intersectionality to your tío at thanksgiving dinner.

i've got 3 songs down and 11 more to go, plus a mountain of journal entries, poems, and random thoughts scribbled on napkins to sift through. it's like archaeological excavation, but the artifacts are my feelings.

but here's the tea: between my day job (shoutout to all my fellow work-from-home warriors), going to school part-time (because apparently, one form of stress wasn't enough), my constant existential crises (is water wet? are we living in a simulation? why did they cancel "one day at a time"?), and my attempts to not become a total hermit, finding time to write is harder than trying to find parking in hillcrest on a saturday night during pride.

and don't even get me started on the logistics. recording an album is like planning a quinceañera, but instead of your prima's attitude, you're dealing with temperamental audio equipment. i'm talking late nights in the studio, endless takes to get that perfect vocal run, and enough caffeine in my system to power a small country.

the plan (2024-2025)

my plan? well, it's more of a fever dream at this point, but here goes: i want to rent out a small studio space for a month. picture a room barely bigger than a closet, with just enough space for me, my guitar, and my emotions. i'm aiming to record one song a day, pouring my heart out until my voice gives out or the neighbors complain, whichever comes first.

i've also roped in some musician friends to add their magic. think harmonies, bass lines, and drum beats. it's gonna be a beautiful mess, kind of like my life, but set to music.

the dream is to have this album ready by the halloween of 2025. imagine: halloween , you're dressed up and eating candy, and instead of "i put a spell on you," you're blasting my album, crying your eyes out but in a scarily cathartic way. sounds good, right?

but here's the kicker: this whole endeavor costs more than my entire collection of crop tops and dangly earrings combined (and trust me, that's saying something). we're talking about $5,000 to fully develop and record this bad boy. that's a lot of empanadas, folks. or, in terms we can all understand, about 1,250 café con leches from that overpriced hipster joint in north park.

now, i'm not asking for handouts. think of it more like... emotional investment. if you've ever ugly-cried to one of my songs, laughed at my jokes, or just want to support your local queer artist trying to make it in this crazy world, well... your support would mean more to me than finding an aguacate perfectly ripe and ready to eat.

remember, every little bit helps. whether it's subscribing to this blog, spreading the word, or just sending good vibes my way (although let's be real, good vibes don't pay studio fees), you'll be part of making this dream a reality. and who knows? maybe one day you'll be able to say "i knew them when they were just a mess with a guitar" when i'm accepting my grammy.

a boy can dream, right? so, here's where you come in. if you've ever ugly-cried to one of my songs, laughed at my jokes, or just want to support your local queer artist, consider this your bat signal.

you can help make this album a reality by:

1. subscribing to this blog (the paid version, por favor)

2. sending some love via paypal (every dollar counts, even if it's just your coffee money for a day)

your support isn't just funding an album - it's fueling a journey of healing, growth, and maybe even some worthy bops.

plus, you'll get the satisfaction of saying "i knew him when" when i'm eventually interviewed by gayle king (a boy can dream, okay?).

so what do you say, mi gente? ready to be part of something beautiful, messy, and utterly unforgettable? let's turn this heartbreak into a hit record, together. 💖🎵

why should you care? (or: why this album isn't just another sad boi with a guitar)

i can hear you thinking, "edgard, honey, the world's got more issues than a telenovela has plot twists. why should i give a flying flan about your musical therapy session?" fair question! hahaha.

hopefully you won’t be as cruel as the little voices in my head say, but at least let me break it down for you:

1. it's the soundtrack to your own messy, beautiful life look, unless you're some kind of emotional robo-cop, you've had your heart trampled on at least once. maybe it was a breakup, maybe it was realizing your fave taco truck closed down. point is, pain is universal. this album? it's not just my story - maybe it's yours too. each song is like a mirror, reflecting back those feelings you thought only you had. it's catharsis, mi amor. cheaper than therapy and tastier than ben & jerry's.

2. you're getting a front-row seat to the glow-up of the century this isn't just an album - it's a whole-ass metamorphosis, and you're invited to watch it happen in real-time. from the first wobbly note to the final triumphant chorus, you'll be there. it's like being in the chrysalis with the butterfly, except the butterfly is a queer puerto rican with great hair and questionable life choices. who knows? maybe watching my journey will inspire your own.

3. you'll be part of a community that gives a damn supporting this project isn't just about the music - it's about being part of something bigger. it's about creating a space where we can all be real, raw, and a little bit ridiculous together. think of it as joining the most emotionally unstable, musically inclined, fiercely loving familia you never knew you needed.

4. it's a middle finger to the music industry status quo let's be real - how often do you see queer, non-binary, pansexual puerto ricans topping the charts? (bad bunny doesn't count, okay?) by supporting this album, you're saying "¡pa'l carajo!" to an industry that often sidelines voices like mine. you're not just a listener - you're a revolutionary in comfy pants.

5. you might actually learn something (gasp!) between the tear-jerker ballads and the self-love anthems, you might pick up some spanglish, learn about puerto rican culture or about me, or gain a new perspective on queer experiences.

6. early adopter clout, baby! look, i'm not saying i'm definitely going to be the next big thing... but supporting now means you get to be that annoyingly smug friend who says "oh, edgard? yeah, i knew them way back when they were just crying into garageband on their laptop." hipster cred: unlocked, hahaha.

7. it's a rollercoaster ride (in a good way) this album's got more ups and downs than america’s stock market. one minute you'll be ugly crying, the next you'll be dancing in your underwear. it's an emotional workout, and honey, you're gonna feel those feelings.

so, there you have it. supporting this album isn't just about me - it's about you, it's about us, it's about creating something real in a world full of filters and fakery.

plus, if nothing else, it'll give you something to listen to while you're stalking your ex on instagram. (don't lie, we all do it.)

what's next?

in the coming weeks and months, i'll be sharing exclusive content that'll make you feel like you're right here in the studio with me. expect:

• behind-the-scenes footage of me playing my songs and writing the album

• deep dives into the songwriting process (spoiler: it involves a lot of trial and error, and repetition)

• snippets of tracks that hopefully leave you begging for more

• poetry, bits and pieces of lyrics, and any other content coming from this creative process

I love this t-shirt so much, hahah.

get involved, mi gente!

y'all, i need you now more than ever.

your support, your feedback, hell, even your criticism (as long as it's constructive, don't be a dick) is what's gonna make this album truly special.

so, hit me up in the comments. tell me what you want to hear. share your own heartbreak stories. let's turn this solo project into a community masterpiece.

gracias from the bottom of my broken (but healing) heart

for real, though. thank you for being here. for reading this. for supporting me through this journey. y'all are the real mvps, and i couldn't do this without you.

so here's to "to build and defend my happiness" – may it be the soundtrack to your own journey of healing, growth, and rediscovery.

hasta la próxima, mis amores.

keep feeling, keep dreaming, and for the love of god, keep subscribing.

con todo mi corazón,

edgard 🌈✊🏽💖