one queer thing: a digital embrace in a binary world 💻💖

dorian electra's "man to man" dismantles gender norms with synths and style

tl;dr: dorian electra's "man to man" is about to blow your mind and challenge everything you thought you knew about masculinity. this genderfluid artist doesn't just push boundaries - they obliterate them with glitter and synths. don't miss the substack pick and hillcrest hotspot at the end! ⚠️ this email packs a punch - be sure to click "view entire message" if it gets cut off!

---

A still from Dorian Elektra’s “Man to Man” video, still by Taylor Russ, video directed by Dorian Electra & Weston Allen. Source: Taylor Russ.

hey mi gente! 👋🏽

when i was 6, i dared to ask for a polly pocket toy for christmas. i don't even remember which one it was - i just recall being envious of my cousins and neighbors who were getting them. i loved those miniature toys so much. the pastel colors, the little dresses, the accessories. i loved those toys just as much as i loved anything else, really. the pastel colors reminded me of the joy and ease of easter sunday. to my innocent eyes, robin egg blue, pink, and purple weren't "boy" or "girl" colors. i just wanted the toys. i just wanted to play with them!

i know, i know, say less - before i knew it, more “appropriate” toys of a masculine persuasion made it into my hands. but i am not the kind of person that likes to give up easily. (never have been.) ever the diplomatic one, i struck a grand bargain with my younger cousin andrea. she was also obsessed with polly pockets. so, we spit on our hands and shook on it: i'd let andrea use my tiny casio toy laptop. in return, she'd let me play with her polly pocket sets. resourceful? you know it. a bit sneaky? oh, for sure. i wanted to play with the polly pockets. and i was not going to let gender or my parents or anyone else get in my way. i hope that gives you a glimpse of the kind of kid i was, the kind of person i am inside still.

and here and now - i am still doing things my way and challenging gender norms. i’m just doing it now with good music and not so much a covert toy sharing operation. (in retrospect, it was a little too fucked up we had to keep the plan under wraps or we’d likely get in trouble.)

in the spirit of shattering these stereotypes (edgard chiquito always knew best), let me introduce you to a song that takes the whole concept of manhood, destroys it, reconstitutes it, and serves it up as a glitchy, fabulous feast for your ears. you know, the kind of track that makes cis people clutch their gender roles a little too tight.

Te me calmas… o te calmo. ;)

but before we start clutching pearls and jamming to the song, let's take a moment to bask in the wisdom of the incredible judith butler. y’all know how much i love to throw my queer theory:

"gender is a kind of imitation for which there is no original."¹

now, imagine an artist who takes that quote, bedazzles it, gives it a sick beat, and turns it into a full-on musical manifesto. today, i’m serving you a genderfluid musician mixes mustaches with glitter, makes you question your identity and dance at the same time.

intrigued? feeling your gender glitching? well, hold onto your pixels…

past queer things: (12) "follow the cyborg" by miss grit | (11) "sana sana" by nathy peluso | (10) "flowers" (miley cyrus cover) by marlon caro & lidice | (9) "this hell" by rina sawayama | (8) "company" by durand bernarr | see more…

you can find the one queer thing playlist on spotify here.

one queer thing: "man to man" by dorian electra

The cover art for the "Man to Man" single by Dorian Electra. Source: Genius.

i’ve only discovered dorian electra (they/them) recently and… i have never heard anything quite like them. they’re not your average pop star by any means. they defy genres and gender alike, pushing the boundaries of music and identity since the start. this is the very purpose of their art, and it shows. dorian electra’s song "man to man" from the 2019 album "flamboyant" is a perfect encapsulation of that artistry and the message.

in this song, dorian takes us on a ride that is both retro and futuristic. (this blend is something i normally eat up already.) the pulsing synths and driving beat create a sense of urgency. before you know it, i’m feeling like i’m in tron, racing through a neon-lit '80s video game. except this game’s boss is society’s expectations and gender.

but what makes "man to man" truly queer? this song takes every rigid constraint and expectation around masculinity and hacks it into pieces. with irony and clever wordplay, dorian crafts a manifesto with this song that both is a scathing critique of the toxic and an exaltation of the vulnerable. dorian created an exploration of masculinity that is deep… and makes you move.

the genius of "man to man" lies in its multi-layered approach to deconstructing masculinity. at a first listen, the song uses the language of confrontation, of hyper-masculinity.

"so you want to play rough in the parking lot?
see you acting tough, but I know you're not
we can take it outside, scuff up in the streetlights
i just really wanna fight with you"

honestly, these lines could come from an action movie or from a high school teen movie. these are laden with violence and confrontation. but in this song? electra subverts them. in these lyrics, they’re not talking about a physical fight, it’s an emotional fight. the real challenge isn't to throw punches, but to lower defenses:

"are you man enough to soften up?
are you tough enough to open up?"

the way the song contrasts vulnerability as a strength subtly and then directly is brilliant. this is a effective reframe of vulnerability in terms that get usually associated with masculine strength - or at least with our fucked up concept of what that is.

elektra is not just questioning gender norms. they're redefining strength itself.

the structure of the song also carries this deconstruction. the start of the song is aggressive, confrontational. as it continues, it evolves into something more intimate and tender that we expected at first:

"man to man (man to man), hand to hand (hand to hand)
one on one (one on one), friend to friend (friend to friend)"

the progression from confrontation to connection is something that deeply resonated with me and with my own life. it reflects my own struggle in freeing myself from the toxic and violent elements of masculinity. shedding the things i had been taught - a miseducation! undoing everything i thought was myself has been hard.

for a cis audience, this is a really good start to question gender norms and projections. if anything, patriarchy also oppresses men and locks them in performance and violence and pain. this song could easily be a starting point for you to open your mind. this is a gentle invitation to consider that perhaps the tough guy act is just that - an act.

for a trans and non-binary audience like myself, this song hits so much harder. it’s a validation of our own complex relationship with masculinity. it’s a validation of the simultaneous attraction and, at many times, straight up repulsion from traditional male roles. i’m the bitch that will cook you dinner and fucking put together the furniture. and i don’t care if i chip a nail in the process. (it happens all the time, i’m adhd!)

the production of the song is equally genius. the glitchy beats and distorted vocals give me the vibe that gender is short-circuiting in this song. i mean, this is exactly what judith butler and her theory of gender performativity is about. with dorian, it just has synths and makes you want to dance. just as this song is a digital creation, our understanding of masculinity is a social construct, and therefore capable of redefinition.

when dorian sings "you gotta let me in," they’re leading a call for a world that makes space for every kind of expression of gender. i just want the world to let you be you! i want this world to let us all be who we are. this song is an invitation to let go of the rigid ideas of what it means to be “a man” and instead tells us to embrace the messiness and reality of our existence. in the immortal words of bell hooks, this song is truly "at odds with everything around it."

so the next time someone tells you to "man up," blast this song and invite them to "man to man" up instead.

what do you think, mi gente? does "man to man" make you want to deconstruct gender norms or just dance? let me know in the comments!

hasta la próxima, mis amores! remember, the only boxes we belong in are the ones on the dance floor. 💃🕺💖

edgard✊🏽🌈

---

substack sommelier.

it's that time of the week, mi gente! let's pour ourselves a glass of pure, unfiltered brilliance. and honey, after our deep dive into dorian electra's masculine deconstruction, i think we all need a splash of divine feminine energy to balance things out.

now, before we dive in, can we take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of me calling myself a "substack sommelier"? i mean, the closest i've come to being a wine expert is knowing the difference between "red" and "white" (and even that's debatable on a good night). but stories? oh honey, i can sniff out a good one faster than you can say "is this cork supposed to smell like that?" so think of me less as your wine expert and more as your storytelling bartender, always ready to serve up the juiciest tales i find in my substack adventures. now, let's get to today's special vintage, shall we?

enter

Deziré

's

The Red Ruby Club

. if dorian electra's "man to man" is the glitchy, neon-lit dismantling of toxic masculinity, then the red ruby club is the lush, velvet-draped boudoir where we reconnect with our inner goddess.

this substack is like that perfect rosé. it’s sweet, complex, and it will make you feel fabulous. deziré celebrates femininity in all its forms. from the mystic to the queen, she takes every archetype of womanhood, sprinkles them with wisdom and stardust, and then serves it to us in full splendor.

the red ruby club creates a safe space for “feminine late bloomers” who want to explore and embrace that side of themselves… and that’s damn beautiful to see. it's the gentle nudge that many need in their path towards self-discovery. and all the beautifully crafted prose? that’s the cherry on top. it’s beautiful to see what deziré has built and i am a fan.

also, can we pleaaase talk about the range? one day deziré's unpacking why people go goth and the next she's teaching us how to read energy like a mystic. it's like having a best friend who's part therapist, part best friend, and part witch.

i think what sets the red ruby club apart is

Deziré

herself. following her on substack notes is a joy. the daily interactions, the shared insights, the supportive comments - it's enough to make my very cynical heart grow three whole fucking sizes. (thank you, honey.)

so, if you're hoping to find a place to balance out your gender-bending journey with a dose of the divine feminine, subscribe to the red ruby club. now if you'll excuse me… i need to go practice reading people's energy like a mystic. y’all, let me be real: i could use the practice.

---

hillcrest hotspot.

fall might be creeping in elsewhere, but here in hillcrest, we're keeping it hot, honey! from rainbow-painted crosswalks to glitter-infused lattes, our gayborhood is serving up a feast of fabulousness this week. grab your most extra outfit and let's dive into what's brewing!

🚲 coastal bike lanes on the fast track: new california law cuts red tape for adding bike paths along the coast. inspired by san diego's west point loma project, it's a win for cyclists but raises concerns about parking and traffic (as usual).

🤝 kiwanis club all-inclusive annual installation celebration: tomorrow thursday, sept. 26, 6:30-8pm @ chuck & meghan’s house. check out all the details and rsvp here. guests should bring a side/dessert/drink potluck style.

👷better buzz on university ave is now unionized: workers at the better buzz location voted to join ufcw local 135, according to the times of san diego.

🏳️‍⚧️ drag march to vote for trans rights is sashaying right into sunday sept 29, with a sidewalk march from urban mo’s to rich’s from 3 to 3:30pm and then a rally with speakers from 3:30pm-4:30pm. truly a star-studded event, don’t miss it! even the mayor will be there.

🏳️‍🌈 san diego pride workers unite - party planners turned labor pioneers: san diego pride's staff have formed sdpride united, joining opeiu local 30. the move sparks conversations about labor rights in non-profit spaces.

👻boo bash and trans family support services need volunteers: sign up here to volunteer at the third annual boo bash in hillcrest on saturday october 26 from 11am to 2pm. come be part of #TeamTFSS.

🗳️nbc7 recently profiled the san diego city council race here in hillcrest: the race is between incumbent stephen whitburn and attorney/homeless advocate coleen cusack. the issue at the center of the race? housing and homelessness.

🎨 mural alley's artistic extravaganza: thursday, oct. 3, 5-10pm @ mural alley. get ready for live music, local artists, delicious drinks, and an opportunity to connect with your community! dj valerian and rhythm & root will be the acts. (next one: november 7th)

🍗 finger-lickin' fraud - north park restaurateur's secret recipe for disaster: former streetcar merchants owner cooked up a $1.7M covid relief scam, seasoned with tax evasion. feds found his special sauce: $2.4M cash stuffed in shoeboxes. turns out, crime was the real southern comfort on the menu!

🐻come get cuddly at bearquake 2024: presented by bears sd, oct 17-20. shake your fur at this beary big weekend! kick off with queer history at the studio door, climax with mr. bear san diego's crowning at rich's. expect less grrrr, more purrrr!

📹 smart streetlights- hillcrest's new watchful eyes: following a surge in hate crimes, sdpd installed controversial smart streetlights in hillcrest. while some praise their crime-solving potential, others worry about privacy. the debate continues as the city weighs public safety against civil liberties.

remember, mi gente, hillcrest isn't just a neighborhood, it's a state of mind. whether you're flexing your artistic muscles in mural alley, getting your activism on at the drag march for trans lives, or just enjoying a fabulous brunch, you're what makes this community shine brighter than a drag queen's highlight. see you out there, painting the town in all colors of the rainbow! 💖🌈✨

1. you can find the full quote here, but the quote comes from the anthology “inside/out: lesbian theories, gay theories”, edited by diana fuss and published by routledge.