one queer thing: bi-curiosity didn't kill this cat ๐ผ
beth mccarthy's "good bi" is the anthem bisexuals deserve (& the bop everyone needs)
tl;dr: beth mccarthy's "good bi" is a witty, catchy takedown of biphobia that'll have you dancing and questioning societal norms. plus, stick around for my weekly substack pick and hillcrest hotspot update!
hola mi gente!
i never really had one single moment where i knew right away that i likedโฆ well, everyone. at first, it was that i liked boys. and then, i realized that i still liked girls too, that this wasnโt exclusive. this made everyone freakout - gay and straight.
this is my story. the slow burn that eventually blossomed into the understanding that i like all genders. male, female, non-binary: i like it all, it really doesnโt matter. i now consider myself pansexual.
of course, the world wasn't always ready to listen. i wasnโt always ready to listen, either. my preferences would get infantilized or dismissed a lot. iโd get labeled as someone who was on a 'pit stop to gay.' people, both gay and straight, were horrified and some were even disgusted. people would tell me to โpick a sideโ or โmake up my mindโ. as if this was a decision i could just simply make, a test i could pass.
i never knew how to respond to that! how do you explain to someone that my choices donโt neatly conform to binaries? why do i have to excuse to you what i like? how can i even begin to explain this? it feels futile, defeating, and demoralizing to me. itโs like youโre describing color to someone that has only known black and white.
this was when i learned to embrace the spectrum, the spaces and things in between. attraction is beautifully complex, and it should be. because love is not about picking a side, but keeping your heart open to all possibilities.
before we jump in, let's appreciate the wisdom of robyn ochs, bisexual activist extraordinaire:
"i call myself bisexual because i acknowledge that i have in myself the potential to be attracted โ romantically and/or sexually โ to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree."
now, letโs imagine an artist who takes this understanding of bisexuality and turns it into a catchy pop anthemโฆ
past queer things: (15) โboy, you can keep itโ by alex newell | (14) "man to man" by dorian electra | (13) "follow the cyborg" by miss grit | (12) "sana sana" by nathy peluso | (11) "flowers" (miley cyrus cover) by marlon caro & lidice | see moreโฆ
you can find the "one queer thing" playlist on spotify here.
one queer thing: โgood biโ by beth mccarthy
meet beth mccarthy. beth is a british singer-songwriter who loves to push envelopes with her music. and not just thatโฆ she's decorating them with glitter and mailing them to her biphobic relatives.
the song โgood biโ is a cheeky, upbeat anthem that takes on the stereotypes of bisexual people directly. thereโs no mincing words here, and iโm all for it. it helps that this song is also a serious bop that can lift anyone out of any dark place. (at least it does for me.)
starting right away, mccarthy lays a melody that truly feels, to me, like sunshine through my headphones. the upbeat rock vibe is deceiving, however - because this song has teeth, will bite you, and draw blood:
"falling in love has always been something i'm good at
i wear my heart on my sleeve and it's been on quite a few bedroom floors"
from its first two lines, the song is reclaiming stereotypes often weaponized against bisexual people. of course, itโs easy to fall in love when you can explore any and all options that cross your path! it's not greed, it's abundance.
but then she hits us with the reality of biphobia:
"they'll say i'm greedy, a little too needy
but is it a crime that i like everybody?"
i really like that this line encapsulates so well the double standard that gets applied to bisexual people. weโre either too gat for straight people or too straight for gay people. you end up pleasing no one by being yourself - and in some instances you even get vitriol and disgust thrown your way.
according to a 2023 glaad report, bisexual people face higher rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse than both straight and gay individuals. this isn't because bisexuality itself is a problem โ it's because society still doesn't fully accept or understand us.
but mccarthy doesn't stop there. she goes on to skewer the way bisexuality is often fetishized or dismissed:
"i like the boys and the girls
the girls hate girls who date boys
the boys like girls who like girls
as long as they get to watch ..."
ouch!! talk about hitting the nail right on the head. this particular verse had a big impact on me because it illustrates the frustration of living in a world that often sees bisexuality as a performance for the male gaze or a betrayal of queer identity.
iโm sick of how so much of a personโs existence is seen through the lens of othersโ traumas and prejudices and projections. this is how we are stuck in thinking, systems, and beliefs that do not serve us and are, indeed, even inhuman. i wish we could break free from this kind of binary thinking.
but the real kicker comes in the chorus:
"double the options
double the problems
i get what i want and i want both sides
double attraction means double the action
i get what i want and i'm everyone's type"
i love how this chorus is a masterclass in reclaiming negative stereotypes. mccarthy takes the notion that bisexuals are "greedy" or "can't choose" and flips it on its head. when you have double the options, you have double the fun. it's not indecision, it's abundance. it's not confusion, it's possibility.
and then there's the bridge, where mccarthy gets real about the journey of self-discovery:
"i'll be honest it took me some time
to get this damn good at living my life
i had a high school crush, never realised what it was
so we stayed best friends but the sleepovers were fun"
this really made an impact on me, too. how many of us have looked back on our "close friendships" from our past and thought, โdamn, was that really just friendship? was it somethingโฆ more?โ i know this is a common experience for a lot of bisexual people. i know itโs an experience i definitely share. especially so to those of us who grew up with people or in places where bisexuality couldnโt be discussed or even acknowledged.
but perhaps the most powerful part of the song comes near the end:
"i'll keep falling for girls cause it was never a phase
i'll keep falling for boys it's a shame that you just don't get it"
this is the bisexual mic drop moment. it's a firm rejection of the idea that bisexuality is just a phase or a stepping stone to being "fully gay" or "choosing a side." it's an assertion that bisexuality is a valid, permanent identity โ not a layover on the way to somewhere else.
what makes "good bi" truly queer isn't just its subject matter, it's the way it embodies the spirit of queer resistance. this song takes the stereotypes and misconceptions used against bisexual people and turns them into a celebration. it's defiant, it's joyful, and it refuses to apologize for existing in the in-between spaces.
mccarthy's use of an upbeat pop melody contrasted with biting lyrics mirrors the bi experience. which is, to be outwardly fitting in while internally grappling with complex emotions. this song is a musical representation of the performative nature of sexuality that judith butler talks about. for bi folks, this performance is often exhausting โ we're constantly having to 'prove' our identity to both straight and gay communities.
this song is a rallying cry for bisexual visibility and acceptance. it's a middle finger to biphobia wrapped in a catchy pop melody. it's the kind of song that makes you want to dance and start a revolution at the same time. and we need this revolution now more than ever.
despite making up the largest portion of the lgbtq+ community, bisexual characters are often missing from our screens. when they do appear, it's usually as promiscuous villains or confused teens 'going through a phase'.
as florida and other states push 'don't say gay' bills, bisexual youth are particularly vulnerable. these laws don't just attempt to erase lgbtqia+ identities โ they make it nearly impossible for young bi people to understand and articulate their experiences.
so the next time someone tries to tell you that bisexuality isn't real, or that you need to "pick a side," crank up "good bi". let beth mccarthy's infectious energy wash over you. and remember: you're not confused, you're not greedy, you're not going through a phase. you're bisexual, you're valid, and you're pretty damn good at it.
hasta la prรณxima, mis amores! ๐
edgardโ๐ฝ๐
p.s. seriously, if you haven't checked out the rest of beth mccarthy's music, do yourself a favor and give it a listen. from "idk how to talk to girls" to "she gets the flowers," she's got a song for every queer mood. you've been warned! ๐
substack sommelier
ยกsalud, mi gente! it's time for our weekly substack tasting. after grooving to beth mccarthy's bi bop, let's sip on something with a bit more bite. ready your palates for a bold, complex flavor profileโฆ
today's pick? Mia Schachter's Unsolicited Advice. if mccarthy's "good bi" is the upbeat pride parade anthem, schachter's substack is the 3am heart-to-heart at the after-party.
mia, a queer, nonbinary, jewish writer from los angeles, pours out a potent mix of personal essays and cultural critique that'll leave you pleasantly buzzed with new perspectives.
mia's posts unpack societal norms with surgical precision, dissecting topics from cancel culture to the nuances of consent. their writing doesn't just span a spectrum - it creates new colors entirely. mia's approach to consent, autonomy, and human connection blends academic rigor with the kind of empathy and honesty you'd expect from a long-time confidant.
the substack stands out through mia's unfiltered honesty. their background as an intimacy coordinator for visual media infuses their work with practical wisdom on boundaries. simultaneously, their firsthand experience with chronic illness brings a vital perspective to discussions on body autonomy and self-advocacy. each essay feels like a masterclass in vulnerability, inviting readers to examine their own preconceptions and grow alongside the author.
so, if you're in the mood for a substack that'll challenge your assumptions and expand your empathy, Unsolicited Advice is your new go-to. it's the literary equivalent of a stiff drink with a trusted friend - bracing, comforting, and exactly what you need. ยกhasta la prรณxima, mis amores!
hillcrest hostpot
ยกoye! october's serving up a bunch of hillcrest happenings! from unexpected fireworks (courtesy of monday's brush fire) to the bearquake about to shake our streets, we've got action, action, action! grab your planners and let's dish out the queer chaos, shall we?
๐ค kiwanis kickoff - mix, mingle, make a difference: thursday's the night to turn those "i should volunteer more" thoughts into action! kiwanis club of hillcrest all-inclusive is throwing open its doors at uptown tavern, 6:30pm sharp, tomorrow october 10. newbies, regulars, and the "just curious" - all welcome! expect community updates, future plans, and a chance to find your tribe of do-gooders.
๐ฅ hillcrest's hot monday: a brush fire erupted monday 3pm near 163/university ave. 40+ firefighters, 7 ground crews, 2 aircraft responded. blaze contained by 4:30pm, crews stayed for hot spot patrol. no injuries reported. reminder: stay fire-aware, even in urban areas. shoutout to san diego fire for their quick work keeping us safe!
๐ถโโ๏ธ queer history struts through hillcrest: lambda archives brings the past to life with two can't-miss walking tours. oct. 16 spotlights hillcrest east and oct. 26 uncovers hillcrest west. snag your tickets and lace up those boots - your queer ancestors are counting on you!
๐ณ๏ธ democracy's coming in hot - ballots hit mailboxes this week! democracy's knocking! ballots for the november 5th presidential showdown land in your mailbox this week. time to flex those civic muscles!
verify your voter deets now - party preference, address, the works
ballots fly out october 6th - watch that mailbox like it's the latest episode of heartstopper
options, baby: mail it back (don't forget to sign!), drop it off (official boxes open october 8th), or strut your stuff in person
remember, mi gente - your vote is your voice. use it, flaunt it, make it count! let's show the world hillcrest doesn't just slay looks - we slay at democracy too! ๐ ๐ฝ๐บ๐ธ๐
๐ป bearquake 2024 rumbles into town: oct 17-20. bears sd promises a weekend fuzzier than your tรญo's chest hair. from queer trivia at the studio door to the crowning of mr. bear san diego at rich's, it's time to embrace your inner oso!
๐บ howl at the harvest moon: the lgbtq+ real estate alliance throws caution (and inhibitions) to the wind on oct. 24, 5-8pm. haunt the radian luxury apartments rooftop for spooky snacks, devilish drinks, and views to die for. tickets are $75.00 and vanishing faster than dracula at sunrise!
๐ป boo bash needs your supernatural skills: trans family support services seeks spirited volunteers for their third annual halloween bash. materialize in hillcrest on saturday, october 26, 11am-2pm. join #TeamTFSS and make this party positively paranormal!
๐ nightmare on normal street rises again: oct. 26th, right after boo bash. fabulous hillcrest conjures a witches' brew of costume contests, family-friendly dancing, and libations strong enough to wake the dead. businesses, donate a gift card to haunt the event - watch your promo spread like a zombie apocalypse!
phew! did you catch all that? from kiwanis to queer history walks, ballot boxes to boo bashes, hillcrest's calendar is bursting at the seams. whether you're flexing those civic muscles at the polls or your actual muscles at bearquake, there's no excuse for fomo this month. now if you'll excuse me, i've got a date with my mailbox - that ballot isn't going to fill itself out! see you in the streets, mi gente - let's make october unforgettable! ๐๐โ
Thank you! I appreciate this a lot! I'm also bi/pan and this all deeply resonated.