solitude's symphony & a heartfelt apology

unfinished albums, writer's block, and the unexpected beauty of being alone

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tl;dr: i'm sorry i haven't delivered on my promise of a demo for my paid subscribers! writer's block is kicking my ass, but i'm finding unexpected solace in solitude and wordplay - and that’s what this is about.

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Me, trying to polish lyrics and write for the Substack! Haha.

mi gente,

it's been a minute, hasn't it? i've been sitting here in my little corner of university heights, staring at my laptop screen, willing the words to come. spoiler alert: they haven't. not in the way i wanted them to, anyway.

first things first: i owe you an apology. to my ride-or-die paid subscribers, i promised you a demo, and i haven't delivered. i feel like i've let you down, and that's been weighing on me lately!

the truth is, i've been struggling. writer's block has hit me like a chancletazo from mami, and it's left me reeling. i've been trying to finish this album, pouring my heart and soul into lyrics that just won't cooperate. it's like trying to catch a coquí with chopsticks - frustrating, seemingly impossible, and probably hilarious to watch.

but here's the thing: in this struggle, in this solitude, i've found something unexpected. a kind of peace. a symphony in the silence.

when the lyrics wouldn't come, i started playing with words. alliteration became my new best friend (sorry, pat, you've been demoted). and in those quiet moments, alone in my apartment with only the distant sounds of my twelve fans for company (it’s a hot one, y’all), something shifted.

This picture has a lot of special significance for me. It’s a picture I had originally taken with an ex. This is me recreating it, by myself, to make new memories.

solitude’s symphony

and out of that, came out this poem.

it's called "solitude's symphony", and with it, i attempt to capture this strange, beautiful moment i'm in. it's about being alone, but not lonely.

this is about finding wholeness in the quiet. about embracing the solitude that comes with creation. this was also partly inspired by the theme of eliza’s “alone & unafraid”, a song i featured in one queer thing recently.

silence surrounds - a soft serenade
in empty rooms, echoes evade
alone, yet accompanied by air
breathing, being, beyond compare

walls whisper wisdom, windows weep
solace settles, secrets sleep
tension trembles, teetering near
yet tranquility triumphs over fear

loneliness lurks, a lingering lie
isolation's illusion, i defy
for in this quietude, i've found
a chorus of self, a sacred sound

darkness descends, doubts draw nigh
but dawn's light dances in my mind's eye
alone, i stand, a sovereign soul
in solitude, at last - i'm whole

maybe this resonates with you.

maybe you've felt that lingering lie of loneliness, only to realize that in the quiet, you've found yourself.

or maybe you think i've lost my damn mind. either way, i'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

to my dear supporters

i promise, i'm working on that demo. i’m working on several songs. it's coming. it might be taking the scenic route through el yunque, but it's on its way. your patience and support mean everything to me. you're not just subscribers, you're mi familia.

so here i am, vulnerable and a little scared, sharing this piece of myself with you. it's not the demo i promised, but i hope it's a start. a glimpse into where i am, what i'm feeling.

from heartbreak to harmony: the birth of "to build and defend my happiness" 🎵💔

gracias for sticking with me through this. through the writer's block, through the silence, through the symphony of solitude. i promise, when this album finally comes together, it'll be worth the wait.

until then, let's embrace the quiet together. who knows what unexpected beauty we might find?

con todo mi amor,

edgard 🌈✊🏽💖

p.s. if anyone has any tried-and-true methods for kicking writer's block's ass, hit me up. i'll trade you for my sofrito recipe!